Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Snazzy Extra Uses for Books

     I've been a ferocious reader for over ten years now (exactly eleven in two months!!), and in my time as such I have learned a great deal about books besides the fact that they transport you to mystical places and are NOT MEANT TO BE READ ON TECHNOLOGICAL DEVICES.  No, there is much more to books than that, my friends.  For example, they have many excellent uses outside that may be less obvious to a  person who does not tote a book about with her wherever she goes.  Here are a few examples.
All these lovely books have lots of potential uses,
so don't just let them sit around gathering dust!
1.  They can be weaponized.   There is nothing unethical about this.  I am a small and innocuous/innocent-looking fifteen-year-old girl.  I am not a master of martial arts or kickboxing or even old-fashioned girl street-fighting.  I need to be able to defend myself, dammit!!!  So whenever someone gets too close, I whip out the book that they probably just interrupted me with and whack them repeatedly on the head with it. REPEATEDLY.  This practice is super-effective.

2. They can be an excuse.  
"Oh heyyyyyyyyyyyy therrrrrrrrrrrre, how weird is it seeing youuuuuuuuuu on the subway!!!!!!"
"Oh, hi."
"What are you reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeading?!"
"You know, it's just this book for school that I really have to finish by tomorrow.  Sorry!"
Smile apologetically, snap your head down and don't look up again until one of you hops off the train.

3.  They can be umbrellas.  If you're having a remarkable and rare good hair day, and it starts to drizzle, and the book you have on hand at that moment happens to be a sturdy hardcover with a laminated dustjacket, then I believe it is appropriate to flip that book open and hold it over your head, thus preventing the deflation of your hair and causing minimal damage to your book.

4. They can be furniture.  In Inkheart by Cornelia Funke, Meg and her dad seem to have no bookshelves, just stacks of books all over the house.  If I was them, I would put those stacks to use as side tables!  Stools!  Footrests!  Shelving units!  Who needs stacks of $$ when you have stacks of knowledge??  And most of all, who needs Ikea when you have books???

5.  They can make friends for you.  ALLLLLLL of my friends have read The Hunger Games.  Or almost all of them.  So there must be some truth to this.



  1. Rofl, this post made me lol :D I use most of my textbooks for murdering bugs, I think this goes to the "weaponizing" category :D

  2. Hahaha <3 Ahhh, love this. The first one made me think of the Bourne Supremacy (I think that was one) where Jason the lead character gives some bad guy a total beat down with a book. Hehe.

    - Anna


Thank you for talking to me!! I wish you lots of good books and brownies!